Have you been carrying too much? I don’t mean too much physical weight. I’m talking about heavy emotional or mental burdens.
It’s never healthy to take on too much emotionally or mentally. Yet, humans can carry much more of such weight than they think. Unfortunately, most of us are not prepared to do so. We haven’t built that strength in advance, so when life throws more emotional or mental pounds our way, we feel crushed under the load.
In fact, you can train yourself to become stronger at carrying emotional and mental weight, and you do so in much the same way you become physically stronger. That makes it possible—even easier—to carry a greater load.
No One Wants More Weight
Don’t get me wrong… No one wants to carry more emotional or mental weight. And I am not suggesting that you take on more than you desire or can.
What I am suggesting is this: We are all capable of carrying more than we think. The best course of action, though, is to prepare for the inevitability that we will have to do so at some point.
I had to do so with no preparation when my mother broke her hip. She was 91, and she needed me to help her while she was in rehab and after she returned home. I carried that weight for about five months.
I also had no training for carrying the emotional and mental load when my husband had a stroke. Luckily, this was a short stint with extra weight. In hours, he was back to normal.
Each of the three state-to-state moves my husband and I made, building a new home, helping my son and daughter move cross-country, and even my broken ankle required me to carry more emotional and mental weight than normal. I wish I had been a bit more prepared; I probably would have handled each of those situations with more grace and ease.
Training Makes it Possible to Carry More
I realize you may think there is no way to train for the weight that accompanies such life events or that you can only carry what you carry now and no more. Neither belief is true.
Your capacity to carry weight of any type isn’t fixed. For instance, a person who has never weight trained might struggle to carry a 25-pound dumbbell. Someone who progressively strengthens their muscles and cardiovascular system eventually can carry considerably more. In fact, a weightlifter can lift over 1,000 pounds.
The same principle applies to carrying emotional and mental weight. You become stronger by gradually increasing what you can carry. However, just as a person wouldn’t walk into a gym and immediately attempt to double the weight they lift, you don’t develop emotional or mental strength by suddenly taking on twice as much pain, responsibility, or stress.
Instead, you decide to become stronger. So, you train. You carry a little more. You recover. And then, you carry a little more.
As a result of your mental and emotional “weight training,” you discover you can carry additional emotional and mental weight with more ease.
That means:
- A difficult conversation that once would have overwhelmed you becomes manageable.
- A disappointment that once devastated you becomes something you can accept and move through.
- Uncertainty that once sent you into a full-blown panic attack becomes tolerable, and you find you can’t wait for a path forward without anxiety medication.
- A new circumstance feels less stressful, and you approach it with more confidence and courage.
Mind you, I’m not telling you to train to carry more emotional or mental weight so you can “power through” difficulties, ignore suffering, endure higher levels of stress, or accept anxiety. I’m not suggesting you train so you can go looking for more emotional and mental weight to carry or take it on because someone says you “must” or “should.”
I’m suggesting you develop a higher level of capacity—for when you might need it. Research demonstrates that when you take on manageable mental and emotional challenges, combined with effective coping and recovery strategies, you better deal with what life hands you—even when it feels heavier than you can carry or have carried before. You become more resilient and able to do what is necessary.
Of course, “manageable mental and emotional challenges” are relative. But the more training you do in this area of life, the more capable you will find yourself in the face of such challenges. And that’s the point.
Some things might still feel too heavy for healthy lifting, and that’s okay. In such cases, lift what you can or ask for help—or say, “No.” But if you train to lift heavier emotional and mental weight—when life throws you more weight, you’ll be more equipped to handle it.
How to Train for Emotional and Mental Weight
To begin training, start doing some emotional and mental weight lifting. I realize you might feel you are already lifting more than you think you can. But by intentionally adding a bit more weight or reps, what you are carrying now will feel lighter. As a result, you’ll find it easier to get through each day and cope with anything new placed before you.
To train to carry more emotional or mental weight, use the progressive overload weight training strategy. Progressive overload requires gradually increasing the stress you place on your body during exercise over time. By slowly adding more weight, extra repetitions, or more sets to your workouts, you force your muscles to adapt, grow stronger, and avoid hitting a plateau. After such training, lifting the weight you carried previously feels easier.
To train to lift heavier emotional and mental weight, think of it as weight training. Put progressive overload to use along with this three-step strategy:
- Gradually carry more: Develop capacity for difficult emotions and experiences.
- Alter your perception of weight: Learn to reframe your interpretations.
- Learn to put down the weight: Practice recovery and self-care.
Let’s look at how each step contributes to your ability to carry emotional and mental weight more easily.
1. Carry a little more than you carried before.
This is where progressive overload comes into play. If you always lift the same weight for the same number of reps, your body adapts and stops changing. You plateau. To keep growing stronger, you must give your body a new challenge—a little more weight or more reps.
Psychological research has a related concept called “stress inoculation.” If you train with manageable, controllable emotional and mental stressors, you prepare yourself to cope more effectively with larger challenges later. Instead of slowly increasing the demand placed on your muscles during workouts, increase the emotional and mental demand.
The key lies in the inoculation “dose.” Too little challenge may not build strength; overwhelming or uncontrollable stress can prove damaging.
To accomplish this safely, you might:
- Have a difficult conversation instead of avoiding it.
- Tolerate uncertainty without immediately trying to eliminate it with a solution or plan.
- Sit with grief, disappointment, anger, or fear instead of using distraction, food, alcohol, or drugs to mask or cover up the emotions.
Ultimately, you don’t become stronger by eliminating or avoiding uncomfortable emotional or mental experiences. You become stronger by discovering you can be with them without letting them take over your entire emotional and mental state.
2. Train your mind to reframe the meaning of the weight.
Research on resilience has found that training people to reframe stressful situations can improve positive emotions and recovery from stress. Circumstances can feel dramatically different depending on the meaning you give them. Humans are interpreting machines that “make up” stories about every situation and experience. These stories then influence how you think and feel about similar situations and experiences.
To change your interpretation of specific emotional or mental weights, try using “cognitive reappraisal.” Consciously look at a situation from another perspective rather than automatically accepting the first interpretation your mind produces. Remember that the first interpretation is based on the past. If the past experience was negative or emotionally heavy, you see similar experiences as negative and heavy.
Here are some reframing examples:
“This is happening to me.” vs. “This is happening for me.”
“This is too hard.” vs. “This is difficult, but I can deal with it.”
“This is overwhelming.” vs. “I can figure this out or learn how to do it.”
Basically, this process involves recognizing that the event and your interpretation of the event are not identical. In fact, your current interpretation is just a story about it based on your past experiences. That story may be inaccurate.
For instance, you might believe you are no good at tough conversations, and you tell yourself that often. So, when faced with the tough conversation, you think, “I can’t pick up that weight.” In fact, if you look at your history more objectively, you may find that you have successfully handled many hard conversations. That would change your story considerably—and your ability to pick up the weight (have the conversation).
I will note that reappraisal isn’t always the right response. If something is controllable, taking action may be better than simply reframing it. That said, reappraisal is particularly useful when you cannot change a situation.
3. Practice putting the weight down.
This may be the most important of the three steps. No one can carry a heavy emotional or mental weight for extended periods without some detrimental effect.
Also, your strength training is not about developing the ability to carry an unlimited amount of emotional and mental weight—or any amount that becomes harmful. It’s the ability to carry what you can and what you choose to carry—and to know when and how to put the weight down.
Also, you only want to carry weight that is yours. Don’t pick up everyone else’s emotional and mental issues and treat them like they are your own. You might decide to support others with their circumstances and issues, but that’s a choice. And you must discern what is your weight and what is someone else’s.
If we go back to the weight-training analogy, physical muscles grow stronger through a cycle of stress or use followed by recovery. That’s when the muscles adapt or grow stronger. Psychological and mental strength also depends on recovery periods, not constant activation.
You must occasionally put your emotional and mental weights down. That’s when you practice self-care as a form of recovery.
Practices that help your recovery include:
- mindfulness or meditation
- conscious breathing
- sleep and physical rest
- healthy eating
- time in nature
- journaling
- prayer or spiritual practice
- talking with someone safe
- allowing emotions to flow
- shifting your focus
Research on emotional regulation and physiological stress responses supports the importance of recovery periods. Resilience-training studies also show that combining skills such as self-reflection, coping strategies, stress management, and emotional regulation makes a person better able to manage emotional and mental weight.
Become Resilient
Ultimately, training emotional and mental strength builds the capacity to carry more weight. More importantly, it makes you resilient, so you move through life with strength and ease no matter what you are asked to carry.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back after bad things happen. It means you can recover fast when you experience stress, injury, or heavy emotional or mental pressure. Resilience helps you not get stuck in negativity, overwhelm, overthinking, fear, sadness, or stress. Instead, you stay strong, adapt, and retain a positive mindset even after a challenging time, difficult circumstance, or sad event.
You carry the emotional or mental weight with ease and grace when necessary. And once the situation changes (or you put down the weights), you return to normal quickly.
Becoming more resilient doesn’t necessitate carrying everything without a break. It means developing the capacity to carry what life asks or requires of you, so you can choose to do so when necessary. However, you also know how and when to release what you no longer need—or choose—to carry, so you remain emotionally and mentally healthy.
Thus, the goal isn’t to become someone who never feels emotional or mental strain or carries way more weight than is healthy or desired. It’s to become someone who isn’t crushed by it, especially when life hands you weights that are heavier than expected.
Do you feel burdened by emotional or mental weight, or have you trained so you are strong and resilient? Tell me in a comment below. Please share this post with those who may benefit from reading it.
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Image courtesy of ufabizphoto.
